


Wish That I Could Love Like That

by jaeyongficfest, myeonandoff



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, First Meetings, M/M, Rebound, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26741233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeyongficfest/pseuds/jaeyongficfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/myeonandoff/pseuds/myeonandoff
Summary: Taeyong may not say it out loud, but he’s grateful that Jaehyun came into his life at the moment he got his heart broken.(Or how Taeyong may or may not have used Jaehyun to get over his ex.)
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 16
Kudos: 134





	Wish That I Could Love Like That

**Author's Note:**

> To the prompter, I hope this is as close as to what you expected. >.<
> 
> Btw, the prompt is based on an opm song called "Sana" by I Belong To The Zoo. And the title was borrowed from a song by Lauv called "Love Like That". 
> 
> Huge thanks also to the mods, for hosting this fest. This is what we all need in this time of drought. Lol. And thank you to my friend, D, for beta-reading this despite not being in the fandom.

Taeyong

  
  


“Over here!” 

Taeyong automatically turns his head to the direction of the loud familiar voice. He spots an arm frantically waving, its owner looking at him. Ducking his head, he makes his way quietly to the table. 

“Doyoung! I already told you not to shout like that! People were looking,” he whispers, before taking a seat in front of his friend. 

Doyoung just shrugs, unbothered, “not my fault you’re practically blind in the middle of a crowd.”

“Still,” Taeyong whines, and Doyoung just rolls his eyes. 

Taeyong opens his bento, sighing at the array of bland-looking side dishes from the company cafeteria. He looked up to ask for some of Doyoung’s homemade lunch, but was shocked to see a stranger sitting beside him.

“Uhm, who is this guy?” he asks Doyoung, hesitantly pointing at the stranger sitting next to him. 

With furrowed eyebrows, Doyoung turns his head to his side, eyes suddenly widening. “Oh my God, I completely forgot. Where were my manners? Anyway, Taeyong, this is Jaehyun, he’s in marketing. It’s his first day so I’m showing him around. This is Taeyong from accounting, he’s my closest friend here.” 

The new guy stands up to offer his hand, and automatically bows when Taeyong took it. 

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun.”

“You too,” Jaehyun replies casually upon sitting down. “Hope to see you more often.” 

What he said catches Taeyong off guard, while Doyoung raises an eyebrow. 

The trio ate quietly for the rest of the lunch break, save for Doyoung initiating a small talk with Jaehyun. He was asking him about his prior job and how it compares to the company. Taeyong just mostly stares into space, as how he’s always been lately.

The rest of the day flies quickly for Taeyong. His pending work keeps on piling up despite him working nonstop throughout the day. He thinks it’s good though, good enough of a distraction.

He clocks out at eight, three hours beyond the normal working hours. Darkness welcomes him as he walks out of his office and outside the building. He trudges his usual way home, enjoying the buzz in the busy streets of Seoul.

When he reaches his apartment, the first thing he does is play a random record in the turntable, letting the music fill in the silence that is still unfamiliar to him. It’s been roughly three months, and Taeyong wants to believe that he’s getting better at this. 

It’s easier to pretend that he’s okay at work, thanks to the workload that keeps him busy all the time. But the moment he steps in his apartment, the loneliness resurfaces.

He partly blames himself for it though. Except for the closet and the queen-size bed that are half-empty, everywhere else in the apartment is still filled with things that remind him of what used to be. Two pairs of indoor slippers by the entrance, two strikingly different mugs on the kitchen cupboard, copies of books and vinyl records that do not even suit his taste. 

After washing up, he goes straight to bed, as per usual. He hugs a pillow to his chest as close as possible, inhaling the fading scent of its previous owner. 

Taeyong wonders if he’ll ever be able to let go of these things, to free himself from the longing, but he couldn’t help but to hope still. He was left alone without any clear explanations, there was never even any closure. It kills him, but he just cannot stop hoping that one day, that person will come back to him and they will forget any of these ever happened. 

  
  


—-

  
  


To call Johnny Suh dedicated might be an understatement. When he set his eyes on something, he’ll be so fixated to it that he’s willing to spend all his time and money to prove his dedication.

Taeyong was a direct witness to this. When Johnny took interest in collecting sneakers, he was the one who searched through all the nooks in Seoul and dealt with suspicious people over the internet, just so he could buy that rare pair of Air Jordans for Johnny’s birthday last year. 

The exact same pair that Taeyong is staring at right now. 

He was on his way home when he saw a glimpse of a pair of feet tapping on asphalt, clad in the familiar shade of gold and white. He is thankful that the face is covered by the shed of the bus stop, because Taeyong isn’t exactly sure how he’ll react if he ever bumps into Johnny. The last time he saw him was before he walked out of their apartment, pulling his luggages. 

Walking closer to the bus stop, he feels his heart dropping with every step. His stomach is lurching in an unpleasant way, and his eyelids are shaking. He was about three steps away from seeing the man’s face, when a sudden force pulls him back by his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re getting wet!” 

Taeyong felt like a bucket of water washed him over, and woke him up from his trance. He was literally all drenched because he didn’t notice that it was raining. 

“You alright?”, he hears the person ask, voice muffled by the sound of raindrops. 

He doesn’t even recognize who this person is, what with his vision blurred by the rain and probably his own tears. Next thing he knew, he was being pulled closer to the person in question, and a shirt sleeve was wiping his eyes dry. 

“Taeyong?” — it was Jaehyun, the guy Doyoung brought over for lunch two weeks ago. 

Jaehyun volunteers to walk him home, being the only one with an umbrella. Time has seemingly slowed down, as Taeyong was mindful not to get too close to Jaehyun under his umbrella, afraid that he might bother him or get him wet.

It was only when they reached Taeyong’s apartment did he notice that Jaehyun’s button-down was soaking, and his initial reaction was to invite him inside.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Taeyong says when he turns to Jaehyun, “come on, I’ll give you something to change into.” 

Without hearing his response, he drags Jaehyun into the lift and inside his unit. He runs to his closet, grabs whatever shirt his hand first laid on, and throws it to Jaehyun. 

As if prompted by the weather and the situation he’s currently in, Taeyong’s body moved like clockwork. The next thing he knows, he’s already filled two mugs with freshly brewed coffee. 

When Jaehyun walks out of the bathroom after changing, Taeyong’s jaw drops.

“No offense but, you don’t look like someone who plays basketball,” Jaehyun awkwardly utters.

Taeyong wants to pull his hair out, because he accidentally gave him Johnny’s old varsity jersey. And he has half a mind not to run across the room and hug Jaehyun, because he is so  _ so  _ desperate for the scent of that shirt, coupled with warmth from an actual human being.

He shakes those thoughts out of his head, and instead slides the other cup of coffee to Jaehyun’s direction.

“Have something warm before you go.” 

“Ooh, Star Wars”, Jaehyun muses, inspecting the mug. He takes a sip from it and instantly grimaces, “can I have a little milk and sugar?” 

“Oh, uhm, yeah sure,” Taeyong rushes to the cupboard. He takes the jar of sugar before realizing something, “uhm would this be fine? I don’t really buy milk or coffee creamer.” 

As a ‘coffee enthusiast’, Johnny doesn’t put anything in his coffee, and he also convinced Taeyong to do so. And Taeyong wants to hit himself, for getting reminded of him even in the little things.

“So,” Jaehyun clears his throat, “thank you, I guess.” 

“No, I should be the one thanking you. You shouldn’t have bothered to take me home.” 

“If I didn’t, you’ll probably still be there, motionless in the same spot, and drenched. My conscience wouldn’t let me sleep peacefully if I left you alone.” 

Taeyong blushes, “about that, I thought I saw.. I mean there was—“

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you’re not comfortable,” Jaehyun cuts him off, reaching for his hand on top of the counter. He gives a reassuring smile before looking around, “by the way, you have a really interesting place.” 

Taeyong ended up giving Jaehyun a tour around his apartment, which, according to Jaehyun, is apparently full of surprises. He didn’t see Taeyong as some sort of a geek who likes collecting stuff that are displayed across the apartment, but Taeyong was too heartbroken to tell him that they’re not exactly his. 

  
  


—

  
  


The rest of the week was very unusual. After that night, Jaehyun stopped by Taeyong’s apartment twice. One time was to return the shirt he borrowed, and the other left Taeyong a little confused.

“Hi,” was Jaehyun’s greeting then as Taeyong walked to his unit. Why Jaehyun was standing in the hallway of his apartment building is beyond Taeyong. “Do you usually go home this late?” 

“What are you doing here?” Taeyong asks, unmoving in his spot from where he first saw Jaehyun.

“I might have bought too much dinner, and I can’t finish it alone?” 

Bewildered, Taeyong unlocks the door and Jaehyun follows. He goes straight to his room to drop his bag and put his coat in the hamper. When he comes out to the living room, Jaehyun has already laid out the dishes on the coffee table.

“Let’s watch a movie?” Jaehyun gestures to the tv in front of him. 

Taeyong frowns, an eyebrow raised, “Did you plan this?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Taeyong sighs as he flops down on the couch, while Jaehyun busies himself with browsing through Taeyong’s Netflix account. 

They settle for a Ghibli movie, the classic  _ Spirited Away _ . Both munching on the Chinese takeout Jaehyun bought while they focused on the movie. 

As they go through, Taeyong wonders how they got to this. If you’d ask his friends about their first impressions about him, it always boils down to intimidating, reserved, and closed off. They’d always recall how they had to wait for months, even with constant communication, before Taeyong really opened up to them.

So it baffles him how Jaehyun easily walked into his life and got this comfortable around him. And how he himself doesn’t seem to mind. He tells himself it’s because he doesn’t really have the heart to push anyone away. 

Although, his subconscious tells him it’s the fact that Jaehyun’s presence fills a void. And he chooses to settle for this, despite wishing for someone else to be there. 

—-

Johnny’s love language has always been words. In the three years that they’ve been together, he has expressed his love for Taeyong in probably a thousand different sentences. 

Compliments, reassurances, promises, comforting words. Johnny surely knows what to say to make Taeyong feel better in every situation. And today, Taeyong is missing him a bit more because of that. 

A few hours ago, Taeyong was panicking when he realized he had messed up his emails. His insides were drowning in anxiety in those few minutes before his superior found out. 

More than one department was affected, and for almost an hour, Taeyong was the target of his superior’s tirade. Pitiful stares welcomed him as he walked out of the office and to his desk, mind blank on what to do next. 

If this happened five months back, he would’ve known what to do. He would text a crying emoji to Johnny, who would call in a minute to whisper reassuring words to him. 

Over dinner, Johnny would recall how Taeyong aced his quizzes with barely any effort, and how he won competitions back in college. He would remind him of how great he is at whatever he does. 

In bed, right before closing his eyes, Johnny would pepper him with kisses, telling him how lucky he is to have Taeyong in his life. The day would not end without Taeyong feeling better about himself.

Because that was Johnny to him. His anchor, who keeps him safe from swimming into the dangerous waters of his own thoughts. He’s the one he relies on when he needs to pause and realign his compass. 

And then he realizes, he  _ is _ still his anchor because Taeyong can’t move forward. It’s so difficult to let go when he still holds onto the hope that Johnny might change his mind and come back to him. 

Where or how he got that idea, he doesn’t even know. All he knows is he needs Johnny right now, and he’s not here. He’s not anywhere Taeyong can reach.

Hopeless, Taeyong haphazardly throws his things into his satchel. He’ll probably get drunk in liquor or something. He doesn’t care if he’ll go to work hungover tomorrow, or if he’ll even wake up early enough. 

He just doesn’t want to drown in loneliness tonight. He knows too well how he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, feeling extra worthless. 

Before he gets up from his seat though, a brown bag materializes right in front of him. Looking up, he sees Jaehyun smiling down at him. 

“What’s that?” 

“Chocolate cake, got it as a complimentary gift from Starbucks. I’m not really a fan of sweets, so maybe you want to take it?” 

Taeyong doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to, because his tears are on the verge of dropping, and he knows his voice will shake.

Jaehyun came when he was in the middle of berating himself, when Taeyong thought he doesn’t have anyone to run into, to at least keep his mind away from what happened. 

So he just smiles and mouths a “thanks”, before getting up and taking the bag with him. Jaehyun promptly follows him

“Let’s have dinner?” he asks, keeping up with Taeyong’s pace. He just nods at him in reply.

Taeyong still can’t place Jaehyun in his life, but his presence is warm enough for Taeyong not to push him away. And he may not know how to express it, but Taeyong is grateful that Jaehyun came in almost the exact moment he got his heart broken. 

—

About a month later, on a weekday, Jaehyun called when Taeyong was just about to start a new task. It’s not a rare occurrence, and his initial instinct was to just dismiss it. The younger’s probably gonna make a lame excuse again to drag him out for dinner. 

It’s not that Taeyong doesn’t want to go with him. He just has a lot on his plate right now, and he needs to keep up with his work to-do list.

Also, he’s never gonna say this out loud, but he thinks he’s been spending too much time with Jaehyun that he’s starting to get used to it. Even Doyoung is so used to it that he got tired of teasing Taeyong about it already. 

Over the past two weeks, Doyoung keeps insisting that Jaehyun is attracted to Taeyong. And with how Taeyong is miraculously letting someone new be this close to him, it wouldn’t be surprising if he feels the same. 

_ A little crush _ , as Doyoung likes to call it. Taeyong would always dismiss it as something so childish, so Doyoung would teasingly suggest that it must be something more. 

“You’re dumb if you can’t read it in his eyes. I mean, the way he’s looking at you is different. And how would you explain him practically going out of his way to spend time with you?” Doyung said one time during lunch. Jaehyun went out for a lunch meeting then, but not before dropping a carton of banana milk in front of Taeyong. 

Okay, it’s not like he’s not noticing the way Jaehyun acts around him, he just doesn’t want to over analyze Jaehyun’s actions. And he doesn’t really know what to feel about the idea of Jaehyun liking him romantically, because he’s not sure if he would feel the same. 

It’s been seven months since Johnny left, and he wants to believe his love for the guy never once faltered. 

Sure, Jaehyun’s presence is a good distraction, but everything resurfaces once he’s alone at home. And he’s a bit certain that if Johnny ever comes back to him, he’ll welcome him with open arms. 

This is why he doesn’t want to entertain any thoughts about Jaehyun harboring romantic feelings for him. Because it’s not fair, Jaehyun is a great guy and he deserves more than this confusion and uncertainty that Taeyong currently has.

His train of thoughts was stopped by the repetitive pings from his phone, which brought him back to reality. After ignoring his call for the third time, Jaehyun decided to send him a series of texts.

He lifts his phone from his desk and the messages unlocked for him to read.

**_Jaehyun (mktg):_ **

_ TAEYONG _

_ ANSWER MY CALL PLS _

_ EMERGENCY _

_!!! _

Three seconds into the iMessage app, the screen switches to Jaehyun’s face in full screen, signalling a call.

“What happened?” was the first thing Taeyong says upon accepting the call. “Where are you?” 

“At the supermarket.”

Taeyong’s mind races to different nasty scenarios that might possibly happen in a supermarket. Did he get into a fight? Did a shelf accidently fall and squish him to the ground? So he’s now swimming in some gross—

“Taeyong! Are you with me?” 

“Yes, sorry, what were you saying again?” 

He hears Jaehyun sigh from the other line, “I’m in the middle of shopping when I realized I left my wallet in the office.” 

“What?” Taeyong face palms, “then just go home? It’s not like the supermarket won’t be there tomorrow.” 

“Come on, Yong,” he hears Jaehyun grumble. “You’d still need to fetch me from here, because I won’t have money for dinner.” 

He can now imagine Jaehyun, looking so helpless in the middle of the supermarket, hungry eyes scanning the array of food that he can’t afford to buy. It kinda reminds him of the stray kittens on the streets on his way home.

“You’re coming, right? I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” 

Taeyong sighs, defeated. He lets Jaehyun lead him to his desk. It was located on another floor, which looks haunted because no lights were open. 

He can hear Jaehyun rolling his eyes when he mentioned it. “Well it’s high time you realize not everyone’s as workaholic as you are.” 

A couple of wrong desks later, he finally locates Jaehyun’s work area. It took him fifteen minutes to find his wallet, because his desk needed a little bit of tidying up. 

When he arrives at the supermarket, he finds Jaehyun by the shampoo shelf. He was focused on two bottles that he seemed to be comparing. 

The last thing Taeyong sees is Jaehyun’s unkempt hair before his mind goes haywire. 

The thought of Jaehyun ruffling his own hair out of frustration earlier stirs something warm inside him. Not to mention his now exposed forearms, thanks to his unequally-folded sleeves. Taeyong can practically trace the veins with his eyes. His halfway-undone tie is probably the cherry on top. 

He has always been aware of how attractive Jaehyun is, so he doesn’t understand why he seems to be seeing him in a new light right now. 

_ Is this an epiphany?,  _ he thinks.

Taeyong’s heart was suddenly beating too fast, and he’s certain that he’s blushing now. So when Jaehyun lifts his head to look at him, adorable dimples forming on his soft cheeks as he smiled, he knew he was done for. 

—-

It was another evening, and Taeyong, yet again, was the last to leave the office. At least that’s what he thought, until he found a familiar figure at the lobby of his office building.

“Yuta?” he asks.

Yuta’s face instantly brightened when he looked up from his phone.

“Oh my god Taeyong! It’s been a long time,” he exclaims, standing up from the couch to give Taeyong a hug. 

“You’re waiting for Doyoung?” 

Yuta moves to sit back on the couch and gestures to the empty seat beside him, which Taeyong takes.

“Yes, there was an emergency in his department and he was asked to stay back for a bit.” 

Taeyong nods in response, not knowing what else to say. 

Yuta is Doyoung’s boyfriend. Taeyong met the couple in his freshman year in college, and as he was sort of an antisocial, he became a regular third wheel to their dates.

By junior year, Yuta apparently “felt bad” for him so he set him up with one of his best friends, Johnny. It turned out well, to everyone’s surprise. Although it did take almost a year before Taeyong caved in and they started officially dating. 

He’s not holding any grudge against Yuta, but for some reason, after the breakup, things had started to get awkward between the two of them. Maybe it’s because he’s aware that Yuta has kept in touch with Johnny, and the former has some sort of guilt.

“Not going on a date tonight?” Yuta asks out of the blue.

“What?” 

“A date. I heard from Doyoung you’re dating someone?” 

It caught Taeyong off guard and his face felt hot.  _ Was Doyoung going around saying he’s dating Jaehyun? Did it reach Jaehyun? And what would Yuta think of him? That he’s so quick to move on and that he’s not taking his relationships seriously?  _

“W-we’re not dating! Jaehyun’s just a friend. I told Doyoung a hundred times, why wouldn’t he listen? B-besides, it hasn’t been that long since...since...nevermind,” Taeyong chooses to shut up. He didn’t know the right words to say.

Yuta started laughing and Taeyong felt pathetic. The former must have noticed because his hand is suddenly on Taeyong’s back.

“It’s just me, Yong-ah. No need to be nervous,” Yuta smiles at him.

Taeyong stayed mum, not trusting himself to say anything more. Probably feeling bad, Yuta sits closer and puts an arm around his shoulder.

“I’m not sure if I should say this, but if it makes you feel better, I was talking to Johnny over Facetime last weekend, and he’s doing great. He told me he got accepted to his dream university, and is now preparing to take his master’s.” 

Upon hearing this, Taeyong felt like crying. For months he can’t sleep thinking how Johnny has been doing, what he’s been up to, if he’s hurting as much. 

But hearing that he’s doing well, Taeyong felt like some weight was lifted off of his chest. Johnny told him he’ll be chasing his dreams, and knowing that he’s really headed for that relieves him. 

“What I’m trying to say is,” Yuta continues, “he’s happy and he’s doing really well, so you should too. I mean, do what you think will make you happy, and don’t mind anyone else’s opinion. Go on dates with this Jaehyun guy. Doyoung told me you prefer his company over his, he’s getting jealous too, you know?” 

Taeyong chuckles at this. “He’s just a friend, I swear.” 

“Your eyes say otherwise, Yongie.” 

And before he could ask Yuta what he meant, Doyoung arrives to take his attention away.

—-

Taeyong wakes up from the vibrations of his phone. Out of instinct, his eyes find the clock first and the time sends him lurching out of his bed and to his feet.

“Fuck, I’m late,” he mumbles to himself, fumbling through his sheets to find his phone to turn the alarm off.

When he does, he wants to call Satan because he’s sending someone to hell. That someone being  _ fucking Jaehyun Jung  _ who is blatantly smiling at him through his phone screen. He wanted to throw his phone because that smile is too bright for a  _ weekend  _ morning.

Cursing inwardly, Taeyong answers the call. 

“Good morning! You busy today?” Jaehyun greets from the other line.  _ Too chirpy  _ for Taeyong’s liking.

“I am, so don’t talk to me,” Taeyong grumbles, diving back into his bed to try to retrieve his sleep.

Jaehyun chuckles and Taeyong really is considering to choke him now, “funny. I know you just woke up, Yong. And I know you’re gonna sleep through the whole day.” 

“So? This is my life, I get to decide what I do on weekends.” 

“Aww too bad I’m already outside your door. Let’s have breakfast?” 

“...go away.”

“Come on, Taeyong, my treat. I promised I’ll make it up to you, right?” 

Taeyong ends the call and throws his phone to his bed, thrashing his sheets in annoyance and cursing loudly. But he gets up to open the door for Jaehyun anyway. 

What Taeyong thought would be a quick breakfast turned out to be something that required more energy.

“Ikea, really?” He exclaims, as Jaehyun’s car slows down when they get near a familiar blue building.

“I’m craving some meatballs,” Jaehyun grins sheepishly. “Plus I need to change the lightbulbs in my room.” 

They had their breakfast according to plan, with Taeyong just sitting at their table the whole time and letting Jaehyun stand on the long line on his own. 

His mood instantly changed though when they finished breakfast and walked around the showroom. Marvelling at the sight of various wallpaper designs that would look nice in his apartment. As well as the colorful sheets and curtains that would be perfect with it. 

Taeyong can’t really remember the last time he shopped properly. Johnny was always the one who decorates their apartment, mostly because Taeyong is busy all the time, and Johnny looked like he enjoyed it. If he was being honest, almost every corner in their apartment is a reflection of Johnny’s taste, except for his closet. 

_ “And this is probably the perfect time to change that,”  _ he thinks to himself, paying Jaehyun a glance as he walks along.

Before he knew it, he had filled two shopping carts, the other one being pushed by Jaehyun.

“Can I at least get a ‘thank you, Jaehyun!’ for dragging you out of the house?” 

Taeyong rolls his eyes playfully, before starting a race to the cashier. 

When he reached home, Taeyong slightly panicked at the sight of his apartment interior. A makeover would be stressful because of the amount of things to be moved and put away. He sighs, kinda defeated. It’s probably gonna take more than one day.

“Need a hand?,” he hears Jaehyun say from the door, “I mean, you cannot possibly move all these alone, if you’re gonna put up the wallpapers and stuff.”

And so an overhaul they did, with Taeyong packing the “unnecessary” stuff in cardboard boxes for future donation, and Jaehyun moving and disassembling some of the furniture to make space for the new ones. 

“You sure you’re letting these go? These are good collector’s stuff,” Jaehyun says, inspecting the contents of the boxes. One was filled with rare comic books, one with vintage vinyl records, and another with limited edition action figures. “Could you at least let me keep one box for myself?”

“No,” was Taeyong’s reply while sealing one box. 

Jaehyun’s interest in Johnny’s stuff is bothering him. He doesn’t want to admit that him being comfortable with Jaehyun was because he reminded him a lot of his ex, from his little gestures and mannerisms, to the way he’s always there for Taeyong. And if those weren’t enough, now he’s practically insinuating that he shares the same interest with Johnny.

“Not even the Star Wars mug that I’ve grown to love?” 

“No.” 

“Bummer,” Jaehyun mutters under his breath as he plops down the couch. “Why are you so adamant in throwing almost all your stuff away? Are you moving on from a past relationship or something?” 

Taeyong forgot to breathe for a minute. He drops the packing tape that he’s been holding and holds on to one of the boxes as he loses his balance. 

Should he tell him? Should he finally open up to Jaehyun about his past and how he does a good job at filling the space that his ex left empty? And that this is the reason why Taeyong accepted him so easily in his life? 

But what would that sound like from Jaehyun’s perspective? He’d probably think lowly of him and never show his face to Taeyong ever again. Or he’ll probably start looking at him with constant pity in his eyes like how his other friends do. 

Does Taeyong want any of that to happen? No. He doesn’t want anything to change in whatever kind of friendship he has with Jaehyun. At least not for now. So he sighs and tries to change the topic.

“Want to order some chicken and beer for dinner?” he asks and doesn’t give Jaehyun any other choice but to agree as he dials for delivery. 

They both settle on the couch as they wait for their food. Both exhausted, realizing how the energy they spent for the whole day is more than the energy they exert for a week at work. 

“Thanks for today,” Taeyong mutters, turning to Jaehyun, who just flashes him a bright and kinda relieved smile.

“Judging by how tiring today is, we really could use some booze.” 

When the doorbell rang, Taeyong was the one who stood up to get it, while Jaehyun volunteered to take bottles of soju from the refrigerator. 

The rest of the night went by in a blur. After his third shot of soju bomb, Taeyong started getting tipsy. And the last thing he remembers is Jaehyun teasing him for his low alcohol tolerance. 

The next day, Taeyong wakes up with a desire to cut his head open. It feels so heavy and cramped that he’s not sure if he can even stand up. 

When he turns to his side, he sees a pink sticky note stuck to a tall glass of water. 

**_Good morning, be sure to finish this glass and take the meds. I cooked some hangover soup, heat it up. Enjoy the rest of the weekend! - J_ **

Taeyong did as he was told, but not before keeping the note because he thinks it was really cute and thoughtful of Jaehyun to do this for him. 

But that note was practically the last time he’s heard from him. For about a month, he did not even get a glimpse of Jaehyun despite working in the same building. His calls were mostly dropped, and his texts are getting one-word replies.

It frustrates him so much and he wants to get angry, but he doesn’t think he has any right. It made him wish he got used to the pain instead of Jaehyun.

___

___

  
  
  


Jaehyun

If you’d ask anyone who knows Jung Jaehyun, they’d say he’s competitive, always winning because the thing he hates the most is to lose. But Jaehyun is always quick to correct them by saying he’s just born determined. Never resorting to giving up without giving his all. 

This is probably why he kept seeing Taeyong even with little hope. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t pursue him because he found it challenging. It’s just that Taeyong made him feel things he hasn’t felt before. 

“What does he like, spark joy in you or something?” Mark asked one time. They were video-chatting over Facetime after Jaehyun’s first day at his new job. 

Mark may be living at the other side of the world, but as best friends, he and Jaehyun make sure to contact each other at least once a week. It was Jaehyun’s first day, and the first thing he did when he got home was call Mark. He wanted to talk about the pretty guy he ate lunch with. 

Jaehyun giggles at the absurdity of Mark’s choice of words, “what are you even talking about?”

“Sorry, I’ve just been watching Marie Kondo’s videos recently so I started to declutter. I was trying to determine which of my stuff sparks joy and which should be let go. Problem is, I think they all spark joy” Mark sighs, switching his camera to show his room, more unorganized than usual. “So, does Taeyong — is it correct? — spark joy in you?” 

When Jaehyun first laid his eyes on Taeyong, he really felt something. Whether it was joy or something else, he’s not sure. But it was definitely something positive. 

At that time he was certain, Taeyong is someone he could be head over heels with. 

___

For Jaehyun, falling for Taeyong was easy. He thinks if he realized it sooner, then he may have fallen for him the first time they had their proper conversation. 

It was also his first time at the older’s flat, having been lucky enough to find Taeyong in the middle of the street and drenched in the rain. It may not be the most romantic of coincidences, but Jaehyun still thinks it’s precious. And it’s not like he saw it as an opportunity, he really just wanted to help. 

That day, his manager had an urgent matter to attend to, and Jaehyun volunteered to stay late with him. He was two weeks into his new job, so he was trying to get into his manager’s good side. 

He was thankful for the morning forecast for reminding him to bring an umbrella. Because by the time he stepped out of the building, it was already starting to rain. 

Jaehyun usually takes the bus home. But that night, his hero complex decided that it wouldn’t be the usual. All it took was the sight of a seemingly out of it person, standing in the middle of the road and completely drenched, for Jaehyun to walk faster and pull the person close. 

When the said person turned to him, Jaehyun forgot to breathe. 

“Taeyong?” was all he could say because it was the only word that was flowing through his mind. 

He wasn’t actually thinking when he pulled Taeyong closer and wiped his face dry. The next thing he knew, he was already in front of Taeyong’s apartment, and the latter was suddenly inviting him in. 

Who was Jaehyun to say no? 

Out of all the nights that he spent in Taeyong’s apartment, that night, by far, was his favorite. Taeyong may seem out of it at first, but when Jaehyun asked for a tour, he willingly and excitedly complied.

Taeyong may not look like a nerd from the outside, but he has a decent collection of comic books and action figures in his apartment. Jaehyun would never forget how he fondly talked about each one of them and how his eyes would sparkle. 

He just realized that if he didn’t focus on the older’s eyes too much, then he may have noticed how Taeyong was reminiscing memories with the actual collector and not the collection. 

“Oh look at the time,” Taeyong said after placing a Star Wars action figure back on the shelf. “I’m sorry, I got so caught up I didn’t notice it was getting late.” 

“Hey, it’s fine. I don’t really mind.” 

There must be something in how Jaehyun looked at him, because he could notice the blush that was creeping through Taeyong’s cheeks.

“O-okay. Uhm, thanks again Jaehyun,” Taeyong smiles meekly, walking Jaehyun to the door. 

“Thank you too,” Jaehyun couldn’t look away, he doesn’t want to. “I’ll see you again?” 

There was an awkward silence before Taeyong broke eye contact. 

“Sure, I guess.” 

It was what Jaehyun needed to hear before he walked out of the door that night, his heart beating so excitedly in his chest. 

___

Even before anyone told him, Jaehyun was quite aware of Taeyong’s past. He had his guesses. What with Taeyong frequently staring into space, or how he suddenly becomes sullen at the mention of love and everything related to that. 

What struck Jaehyun the most was when they were having one of their movie nights. It was a usual Ghibli film,  _ Ponyo  _ this time. 

“Ponyo is so cute. If I were Sosuke, I don’t think I can ever say no to her,” Taeyong squealed all of a sudden. He was smiling so fondly at Jaehyun that his usually round eyes are reduced into crescents.

The latter thinks his heart might explode at the sight, and he suddenly lost his brain to mouth filter. “You’re way cuter than Ponyo, though.” 

Pause. Jaehyun wanted to punch himself so bad. Everything feels so warm and he doesn’t even want to look at Taeyong.  _ How could he be so careless like that? Now it’s uncomfortable, Taeyong might think he’s creepy now. _

“You really think so?” 

Jaehyun looked up and Taeyong was smirking teasingly at him. Jaehyun did what he thought was the next best thing and pinched Taeyong’s cheeks. Both sides. 

“Ouch! Get off me!” 

“But I can’t help it,” Jaehyun continued teasing.

Taeyong was fuming by then, his eyebrows furrowed. Jaehyun wasn’t fazed one bit. It just made the older more adorable. 

He pinches his cheeks harder one last time before taking his hands back. Fighting the urge to kiss Taeyong’s pout away, he decides to swipe a thumb over his eyebrows to smoothen it.

“I’m serious though,” Jaehyun whispers, “I’d choose you over Ponyo any day. Probably over anything, if I were to be honest.” 

Taeyong’s breath hitches, looking away. Then suddenly, he mutters almost incoherent words under his breath, which Jaehyun barely understood: “even over a scholarship at the other side of the world?”

“What?” 

The older looks back up at him, eyes a little more watery than earlier. 

“Nothing,” Taeyong smiles but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I think I’m hungry, would you like some ramen?” 

Before Jaehyun could say anything, Taeyong was already on his way to the kitchen. 

He wanted to ask Taeyong so badly because he couldn’t take it anymore. Not for his sake alone but also for Taeyong. He probably has kept a lot of things to himself that he should let out. 

But Jaehyun understands that Taeyong must not be ready, or that he probably doesn’t trust Jaehyun that much yet. 

Although Jaehyun made himself swear that he would wait for Taeyong no matter what, because that’s what he deserves. 

  
  


____

Jaehyun confirmed his hunches when Doyoung surprisingly dragged him out of the office for lunch.

“Taeyong’s too busy at the moment so I will borrow you for an hour,” was what Doyoung said when he asked why. It didn’t really answer the question though. 

They went to a fancy café, and Doyoung was the one who paid for their meals.

“I don’t understand, what’s the occasion?” Jaehyun asked when they settled on a table. 

“Nothing. Consider this as my thank you gift. I know I’m not supposed to get you anything. But I’m really thankful that you came into Taeyong’s life, Jaehyun.” 

Four months into the company and Jaehyun has practically clung himself unto Taeyong whenever he can. It’s probably obvious, especially to the people who’s close to them, that he likes Taeyong. But this is the first time that anyone has made a comment about it. At least in front of him. 

Jaehyun coughs awkwardly and shakes his head, “There’s nothing to thank me for, really. I enjoy Taeyong’s company too, you know.” 

“I’m just really glad someone’s there for him. Taeyong doesn’t have a lot of friends he can open up to,” Doyoung stops unfolding his table napkin to stare at Jaehyun, “he opens up to you, right? I mean, did he at least tell you he’s been through a breakup recently?” 

A pause. Jaehyun gulps, staring straight back at Doyoung. He was gauging if the other could read past his eyes. 

“He did,” he decides to lie.

Doyoung lets out a sigh of relief, which Jaehyun mirrors internally. 

“Anyway, it’s awkward for me too — for us actually, me and my boyfriend — because Johnny’s our friend too. So we wouldn’t know how to approach Taeyong, how to comfort him,” Doyoung takes a deep breath. 

Jaehyun fakes a smug smile, trying to act like the foreign name didn’t sound unfamiliar to him, “well, I’m here now. What do you take me for?”

Doyoung chuckles in reply, but as if a sudden thought came to him, he sat upright and became more serious. 

“Listen, Jaehyun,” he starts. “I know you like Taeyong. And I can tell that you’re a good person. But can you please be patient with him?” 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to say at that point. And Doyoung must’ve sensed it because he just continued.

“I don’t know when he’ll be ready to be in a relationship again. What he’s gone through, it’s just too much for me to comprehend,” the frustration in Doyoung’s eyes is more apparent now. “The night before he was planning to propose, he called me to say that the engagement is off. There was a change of plans, and Johnny’s flying back to Chicago the following week, not to come back.

“I was devastated that I even cried myself. And until now, I still feel bad because whenever I try to talk about it, Taeyong just brushes me off. He says it was a mutual decision, and they ended on good terms. He told me not to worry because it was a good breakup anyway.”

“There’s no such thing as a good breakup”

“Right? That’s why I feel bad. I felt like I wasn’t being a friend enough,” Doyoung slumped back on his seat and Jaehyun instantly reached out a hand to comfort him.

“He’s probably not ready to let it off yet. Don’t worry, he’ll come around.” 

“At least he has you now, right?” 

“Right.” 

That night, Jaehyun almost didn’t sleep a wink. He felt shitty. One, because he was guilty of lying out of selfishness, to satiate his curiosity. Two, now that he knows the weight of Taeyong’s past, he doesn’t know where to go from there. 

He had a lot of information to process. It hurts to realize how Taeyong isn’t probably ready to let go of his past yet. 

It was only natural, Jaehyun understands. One moment, Taeyong was planning to commit to spend the rest of his lifetime with one person, and before he even got to ask, he was left alone. 

What’s frustrating for Jaehyun is the fact that he’s not sure whether his efforts to get into Taeyong will be worth it. But as long as the latter doesn’t push him away, he’s gotta keep trying, right? 

____

A few months later, when Jaehyun dragged him to Ikea, he thought Taeyong was finally coming through. He thought that the older would stay mad at him for the whole day, but he was relieved when he eventually enjoyed shopping. 

It was exhausting, if Jaehyun was being honest. But knowing that he somehow unlocked a new side of Taeyong made it all worth it. 

“Can you walk faster, Jaehyun-ah?” Taeyong would scold him as he tailed the other across the showroom. 

Jaehyun could only stare while Taeyong marveled at the displays. As punishment for ruining his sleep, Taeyong made him push the huge shopping cart that was filled with whatever Taeyong found interesting. 

“Which one is better, white or black?” Taeyong would sometimes ask and Jaehyun would just choose randomly because he couldn’t take his eyes away from Taeyong.

In Jaehyun’s eyes, Taeyong looked extra beautiful and mesmerizing when he’s excited. And Jaehyun’s heart is jumpier that day because  _ we look so fucking domestic.  _

Jaehyun was practically daydreaming the whole time they were there. 

After driving him home, Jaehyun also volunteered to help Taeyong in redecorating his apartment. He already allowed himself to indulge in his fantasies, why not make it last? 

Packing his things, a thought was constantly on Jaehyun’s mind: if Taeyong’s adamant at putting his stuff away, that means he’s finally letting go, right?

Is he finally freeing up a space in his life that Jaehyun can occupy? 

Before he could even stop himself, Jaehyun asked a question to prompt Taeyong to finally open up. Which he didn’t do, much to Jaehyun’s slight disappointment. 

With mixed feelings, Jaehyun agreed to just go with Taeyong’s plan to eat and drink their exhaustion away. 

Two shots in and Taeyong was already squiffy. A few more later and he was wasted. 

Jaehyun chuckled at the sight of a red-faced Taeyong beside him, “Yong, you look like a strawberry.” 

“Really?” Taeyong groggily turns to him.

“Yeah,” on instinct, Jaehyun lifts a hand to cup his cheek, “you’re so cute.” 

To his surprise, Taeyong places a hand on top of his, face inching dangerously close to Jaehyun. 

“Would you like to know if I also taste like one?” 

“What?” 

Before Jaehyun could make sense of the situation, a pair of lips were already on his. The next thing he knew, Taeyong was already on his lap as he sat on the floor. 

They continued to make out, Jaehyun not caring if Taeyong would remember any of this tomorrow, or if he even wants to do this in the first place.

People tend to be more honest when drunk. So this means a part of Taeyong really wants to kiss him, right? Jaehyun felt his heart swell. He wanted nothing but for time to stop at that moment and let him stay in his little bubble with Taeyong forever. 

But just when he thought this day would be perfect, Taeyong just had to pull away, stare right into his eyes, and exclaim, “babe, thank you for coming back!” 

Wrapping his arms around Jaehyun, he buries his face into Jaehyun’s neck. It was supposed to be ticklish, but Jaehyun couldn’t take the focus of all his senses away from the bitter taste in his mouth. 

“I was waiting for you, you know? I waited for a long time,” Taeyong muttered against Jaehyun’s skin. 

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun wanted to push him away, but his body wouldn’t move at his will. 

By now, Taeyong’s hands were on his face as if inspecting every part of it. 

“I knew it! I’ve always thought you kinda look like Jaehyun,” he mumbles, hands still on Jaehyun’s cheeks. “He reminded me a lot about you too! Sometimes, when I’m with him, I don’t miss you. My heart probably confused him for you because he makes me feel warm too.” 

If Jaehyun’s heart weren’t already in pieces, then he’d probably hear it crushing by this time. 

So all along, the only reason why Taeyong wouldn’t push him away was because he reminded him of his ex? As much as Jaehyun liked Taeyong, he didn’t think he’d be able to stand being a replacement for someone else. 

“Babe? Are you with me? You’re not leaving me again, are you?” 

“Taeyong, listen,” Jaehyun tried his best to think of something to say. Before he can even compose something coherent though, Taeyong already dozed off on his shoulder. 

Jaehyun is never one to give up, but in that particular fight-or-flight situation, he chose to flee. Why fight, when there’s essentially nothing to fight for?

Of all the nights he’s spent in Taeyong’s apartment, he chose this one to be the last. But not before putting Taeyong to bed, and preparing everything he would need when he wakes up. He wanted to at least do these for him, for the last time. 

____

Over the proceeding weeks, Jaehyun tries his best to avoid Taeyong. It was already difficult to convince himself not to give in, but Taeyong actively reaching out to him makes it harder. 

Jaehyun didn’t want to be hostile. His one-word replies and rejected calls were all knee-jerk reactions. 

It was confusing, to say the least. One moment he’s missing Taeyong, but these thoughts always come with the memory of their last encounter. And the wound in his heart feels fresh again. 

“Between the two of us, you’ve always been the rational one,” comes the comment from Mark over one of their Facetime calls. “If I was the one in your situation, you’d say ‘talk it out with him and be honest with your feelings’. But looking at you now, I doubt you’d take that advice for yourself.” 

Jaehyun runs a hand down his face, “sometimes I hate how awfully right you are.” 

Mark cackles before pausing his game to focus on Jaehyun. 

“Dude, if you want my opinion, I’d say it was bound to happen.” 

“Ha,” Jaehyun sneers. 

“Look, when you met the guy, he was still hurting from a breakup. It was pretty serious, from what you’ve mentioned before. And you should’ve already seen this coming when you risked getting involved with him. You were bound to get hurt.” 

“And you think I didn’t know that?” Jaehyun scowls. “All along I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I was ready to risk because he was worth it. But it’s just...it feels a thousand times more painful when you get there. I don’t know, I just didn’t think it’d hurt like this.” 

Mark sighs, “wish I could be there so we can drink together.” 

“Thanks, man.” 

Before Jaehyun could end the call, Mark gives him one last reminder.

“If you really care about Taeyong, talk to him. He’s probably worried about you too, you know.” 

  
  


To keep his mind off Taeyong, Jaehyun decided to finally accept his workmates’ invitation to hang out almost everyday. They’d go bar-hopping at least once a week, dine out at least thrice, and have karaoke nights whenever they finish a project. 

It baffled his co-workers, but thankfully they didn’t ask. Taeyong has also given up on trying to reach out to him. It’s been more or less a month, and Jaehyun never once acted like how he used to. 

It was fun because it felt new. Having his nights occupied with everything except Taeyong. The booze, the crowd, and the music all felt refreshing to Jaehyun. He felt like he was in college all over again. 

But a couple of weeks later, he somehow got tired. Everything felt so tiring — braving the whole stressful day at work and going out right after, pretending to be okay when he’s anything but that, and pushing the heavy weight in his chest at the back of his mind. 

It shocked Jaehyun to realize it required this much energy to move on from something that didn’t even materialize. 

So one night, he makes up an excuse to his co-workers so he could be left alone in the office. He scrolls through random emails until he’s sure that everyone got out. He then shuts down his PC, turns off all the lights and heads to the elevator. 

When the elevator suddenly stops at the fourth floor, his heart stops beating with it. He only knew one one person who goes home after office hours. 

The elevator doors open, and true enough, it was Taeyong on the other side. Shock was evident on his face, and Jaehyun was certain he was mirroring this expression.

Taeyong enters right before the doors could close again, but none of them say a word. The ride was eerily quiet so Jaehyun could hear his own breath.

When they reached the ground floor, Jaehyun suddenly felt like he was on a rush. Before Taeyong could walk out, he hears himself saying, “wanna have dinner together?” 

Taeyong stops walking. Without looking at Jaehyun, he whispers, “sure.”

  
  


They end up at a fast food joint near their office. Taeyong apparently needs to go home as early as possible. 

They sat across each other on the booth closest to the entrance. For the first fifteen minutes or so, Taeyong was just picking on his fries, while Jaehyun stared at the wall behind him. 

Taeyong breaks the silence when he accidentally drops his fork. Jaehyun promptly crouches down to pick it up, and bumps his head on Taeyong’s when the other did the same. 

“Sorry,” Jaehyun utters, to which Taeyong just chuckles in response.

It was short, but Jaehyun felt like the sound urged the flowers in his tummy to bloom. When they got back to their seats, he sighed when he noticed how Taeyong kinda loosened up.

“So..” Jaehyun starts awkwardly, “how have you been?” 

It was strange, because he was never awkward with Taeyong. He always carried this particular air of confidence whenever he was with him. But today is different.

“I’m fine, I guess,” Taeyong shrugs. “You? You look like you’ve been having a lot of fun recently. Got a lot of new friends to hang out with?” 

Jaehyun raises a brow at Taeyong’s tone. He never used that before.

“Well I’m-“ he couldn’t find the right words to say as he stared at Taeyong.  _ I miss you. I want to get over you, to get rid of my feelings, to keep you out of my head, but I miss you.  _ “I’m good too, yeah.” 

Taeyong doesn’t say anything as he starts to actually eat. And Jaehyun can’t do anything but to stare at him, like how he usually is when he’s with Taeyong.

It’s been more than a month since they last saw each other. Jaehyun can’t help but be curious. What has he been up to? Is he eating well? Is he getting enough sleep? 

Before he could even ask, Taeyong gave an answer. And it caused the flowers in his tummy to wither again.

“You know, I was talking to my ex, recently,” he says casually.

Stunned, Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. With a shaky voice, he replies, “yeah? How was it?” 

“He’s doing really well over there, studying for a masters degree and all. Makes me think it was really a good decision to break up with me,” Taeyong chuckles bitterly. “But honestly, I’m just really happy for him. I mean, at least one of us isn’t miserable, right?” 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to make of this. And it’s ironic, because this is exactly what he wanted from Taeyong, the last time they met. Him opening up about his past, so Jaehyun would know what to do next. 

“It’s strange though,” Taeyong says suddenly. “I was honestly relieved when I found out he’s happy. Like, a heavy weight was lifted off of my chest. But it still feels really uncomfortable in here,” he places a hand on his chest, “like something as heavy as that is still weighing my heart down.” 

Jaehyun looks up, his heart drops at the hint of pain in Taeyong’s eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Taeyong smirks, “yeah. You know what I realized, Jaehyun-ah? People come and go. Everyone does. But these past few days, I figured that I’ll probably never be worthy enough for someone to stay.” 

“What?” Jaehyun frowns. “How can you think like that? You’re one of the most wonderful people I know. Please don’t say that about yourself.” 

“You know you don’t really have the right to say that, right? I mean, by how you’ve treated me for the past month, you think I should believe you?” Taeyong chuckles bitterly. He then stands up and gathers his things. “Good night, Jaehyun.” 

And then he’s walking out of the restaurant, not looking back at Jaehyun.

___

It was when he got home that night when Jaehyun realized Taeyong got hurt by what he did. Well, who wouldn’t? 

He also found out how it’s heavier, carrying the thought of Taeyong getting hurt because of him. It suddenly made him want to surrender and just tolerate the pain that came with falling for Taeyong. 

Days passed and Jaehyun’s frustrations with himself and his past decisions are just getting worse. What’s more annoying is the fact that he doesn’t know what to do with it.

He wants to approach Taeyong and talk to him. But he can’t do that now that the older seems to be mad at him. 

For the week that passed, he doesn’t do anything. He just goes straight home after work, not bothering to make up excuses for his co-workers that he ditches. 

One night, Jaehyun just got home. And as usual, he didn’t feel like having dinner. He might as well throw anything up at this point, with how awful he feels about himself.

He was then about to go straight to bed, to well, overthink the night away. But the doorbell ringing out of a sudden stopped him. 

Jaehyun was shocked as he opened the door to the person he wants to see the most.

“Wh-what brings you here?” 

Taeyong stares at him as if thinking of what to say. After a few seconds, he sighs, “I’m not as good as you are in making up excuses, so I’m telling the truth. I missed you and I wanted to spend time with you tonight.” 

Jaehyun’s brain goes haywire at what he said, holding onto a wall for support as he felt slightly buzzed. 

After toeing off his shoes by the doorstep, Taeyong saunters to the living room. 

“I came with food,” he says, gesturing for Jaehyun to sit beside him.

He opens the pizza box and hands Jaehyun a slice.

“It may look cheap but it’s decent. This is my favorite comfort food when I was a student.” 

For the first time, it was Taeyong who does all the talking. And Jaehyun is still too shocked, and mesmerized that he’s actually materialized in his apartment as if his mind has manifested it. 

Just a few minutes ago, he was brainstorming alone on how to approach Taeyong again after that fast food fiasco. And the next thing he knew, Taeyong is here, being unusually talkative as if he missed Jaehyun just as much.

Jaehyun is still nervous, but Taeyong’s casual demeanor, albeit strange, relieves him. They’re okay, right? 

“Back in college, I was this naive, hopeless romantic who eats romcoms for breakfast and dinner. I treated destiny like a religion,” Taeyong recounts, taking a chug of root beer.

Jaehyun chuckles, imagining the image of college student Taeyong being all giggly and blushing while binge-watching a romantic drama under his fluffy blankets. “You’re probably cuter back then,” he mutters under his breath.

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Anyway, back then, I believed that in the world of seven billion people, there is absolutely one person who is meant for you. And Johnny was  _ the one _ for me.” 

The sound of that name, coming straight out of Taeyong’s mouth, breaks Jaehyun’s heart even more. 

“That’s why him leaving me was the most painful thing that I’ve ever experienced. He was not my first love, but he was my first boyfriend. He made me so happy, enough to let me see a future with him. And I know things don’t always go according to plan. But it still hurt.”

Tears started rolling from Taeyong’s eyes, while Jaehyun remained frozen in his spot.

“Because he made me feel like I won, only to take it back when I was so sure I’d spend a lifetime with it.” 

Jaehyun wanted to get out of the room, feeling suffocated. Hearing those words come out of Taeyong’s mouth, it’s like he’s describing what Jaehyun felt all this time. And he doesn’t know what to feel about it.

Taeyong turns to Jaehyun and takes his left hand in his.

“My point is, I like you, Jaehyun. This is the first time that I’m admitting that, even to myself,” his eyes catch Jaehyun’s which are now slightly shaking. “I was so caught up in the idea of  _ the one _ that I can’t wrap my head around the fact that there could be another one. I’m sorry if it took too long to sort out my feelings.”

Jaehyun’s breath hitches. His mind is fuzzy, it was as if his whole world turned around before him. For a whole five minutes, he doesn’t say anything. He can feel his blood rushing, and the butterflies in his stomach have never been so alive. 

He closes his eyes and wills his heart to calm down. He takes the deepest breath he could muster before turning to Taeyong. 

“I like you too, Taeyong. And I’m sorry about how I acted this past month. I just...I like you too much, and it scared me.” 

“I know...I know you like me” Taeyong looks away. “Those were actually the words that I’ve been dreading to hear from you.” 

“Why?” 

Taeyong sighs, as if troubled. But both his hands are playing with Jaehyun’s left one, so Jaehyun knows they’re good.

“Because I wouldn’t know where to go from here. I wouldn’t know how to act around you, or if there’ll be any change in whatever we have. I loved your company as a friend and I don’t know if I want things to change between us.”

“Nothing has to change,” Jaehyun places one hand on his thigh and squeezes reassuringly. “Except for you giving me permission to kiss you whenever I want to. Probably.” 

“Like, right now?”

Jaehyun grins from ear to ear. His hand is already creeping through Taeyong’s hair.

“Yes,” he whispers before pulling him in for a kiss. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you reached this point, that means you've read the whole thing, right? Thank you thank you so much for reading!
> 
> It's been 4 years since the last fic I've written, so writing this feels like the first time. Lol. Anyway, I hope you all liked it. ❤︎❤︎❤︎


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